A few years ago I had a dream in which I was a very, very old and sick man in a hospital bed. I had tubes and wires stuck up my nose, in my arm, and one of those beeping machines that show your heart's beating. I realized that my life was going to end soon, and I screamed "I don't wanna die!" over and over. I woke up weeping and moaning "I don't wanna die." It had never occured to me before, but I realized that it was true. It is true. I don't want to die; life is too sweet, and the inevitability of death, coupled with the likelihood that there is no afterlife, fills me with a horror I've never known before. Furthermore, my parents recently went on a long vacation and dropped out of contact for months; during that time I realized that once we are seperated by death, that's it. We will be seperated forever. I'd understood for years that the afterlife is a faerytale, but the full ramifications of that are only now appearing to me.
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