Laurie's outta town; heck, outta the country. It's just me and the cat, alone against the evils of Kannapolis. To wit:

1. Birds. I figured the ever-present rabbits would be the main vegetable swipers (BTW The Wallace and Grommit movie, in which our heroes struggle with vegetable-swiping bunnies, is a joy. See it instead of that dreary-looking Batman flick) but our tomato-packed garden has become an enormous bird-feeder. Today I Christoed the whole thing in birdnetting, and this evening the newly ripened tomatoes were in fine, unpecked fettle.

2. Tire slashers. Is it because the mill's closed and there are no jobs, or because it's a sleepy town with little excitement? For whatever reason, someone keeps slashing my girlfriend's tires. My sadistic fantasies of catching and crippling the perp are unlikely to come true.

3. The YMCA. Laurie signed us up for a family account. I had a problem with my account (no photo in the system), they couldn't find me under the phony married name she had given me on the account, and the penny dropped. The desk lady (my neighbour, as it turns out) is delighted; she has triumphed over those who would mock the noble institutions of marriage and the YMCA admissions policy.

4. Unemployment. I didn't get called back for Peter Pan, and I've spent my time finding things like this (courtesy of Cake and Polka Parade.