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Go out with you? Why not... Do I like to dance? Of course! Take a walk along the beach tonight? I'd love to. But don't try to touch me. Don't try to touch me. Because that will never happen again. "Past, Present and Future"-The Shangri-Las

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Welcome To North Carolina!

Page 1: Please fill out your full name, current address, previous addresses for the past seven years, and social security number.

Page 2: Please fill out your full name and current address again. Then list all your current and past employers. ALL OF THEM. If we find out you were a movie theatre usher or something for a summer in high school, but you didn't list it on this form, you will not be considered for employment.

Please include three references from each place of employment, and the full 9 digit zip code for each place of employment's physical location. PO boxes or mere 5-digit zip codes will not be accepted.

Page 3: Fill out your name, address, and desired position.

Page 4: Please write 1000 words about why you believe you deserve to be employed.

Page 5: Please fill out your name, current address, and check either yes or no to the following question:

Are you a registered sex offender, a nonregistered sex offender, a potential sex offender, or someone who ever accidentally found a cheap and repulsive swingers newsletter lying on the side of the road when you were a child?

If you answered no to the question above, do you believe you would be happier if you could honestly answer yes? Explain your answer.

Page 6: Fill out your name and address, then explain why you will be voting for Sarah Palin, or, after Election Day, why you voted for Sarah Palin:

Page 7: Fill out your name and address, then fill out any other names or addresses you have ever used, then fill out at least three addresses you have been to at least once over the past year.

Page 8. Name. Address.

Page 9. Handwrite your complete resume, even if you are including a printed copy of your resume. Then do it again on the back.

Page 10. How many months are you willing to wait for a response from this job offer? Explain. Then explain again in a different way.

Page 11. Go to a doctor and get them to fill this out, even though they probably have never seen this form before.

Page 12. Go to a lab and get a drug test.

Page 13. Go to a DIFFERENT lab and have a pregnancy and/or paternity test.

Page 14. Fill out your name, address, and social security number. Then do it again. And again.

Page 15. Go get some blank paper, make up your own form, then fill that form out.

Page 16. Fill out this form with information for forms.

Page 17. Explain in detail how the creation, filling out, and processing of forms creates a sense of progress and productivity.

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